Warning! Don’t Read This Unless You Want To Get Rid Of Weakness!
August 28, 2008 by CK Reyes
Ha! You can’t get rid of your weaknesses, so why are you giving it any attention at all?
You think you can get rid of your weaknesses, but you can’t. You spend time and energy trying to make yourself better in an area you suck at! This approach will never make you better at what you aren’t good at, it will just make you feel like a failure. Have you noticed? Have you ever thought that you should turn your weakness into a strength? It won’t work. You need to focus on what you are good at and let go of what you aren’t. Guess what? Someone else is good at what you horrendous at doing. Hire them!
Our strengths our found in living our purpose.
We are strongest when we share our gifts with the world not when we are obsessing over what we don’t do well. The best way to do make our significant contribution is by developing our natural talents into strengths. In this process our purpose will manifest more easily and you’ll be happy camper. You’ll feel more fulfilled. You’ll experience life as an empowering adventure. Don’t ask me how, I don’t know. I just know fulfillment is the result of developing your innate gifts and you can’t do that when you are investing so much energy into what isn’t working. Focus on what you are naturally good at and your weaknesses won’t get noticed.
You have natural talents. Find them!
Each one of us has talents that are unique and endearing; they are innate in us. Developing our talents is what will contribute the most powerfully to our expression. When we develop our natural talents, they turn into our strengths. Use your strengths to get ahead, not your weaknesses! Our purpose is found somewhere in our strengths, not our weaknesses.
Focus on your strengths not your weaknesses.
I’ve thought about this a lot and then I ran into Marcus Buckingham. Online! Do you know him? He’s real cute. I watched his segments on Oprah and then I snagged Michelle’s book before she left for China. She’s only gone for ten days, so I had to read fast. Marcus talks about Strengths and Weaknesses in his book, Now, Discover Your Strengths. He relates his concepts to the category of work and career, but I see the correlation to living your purpose. He says to focus on your strengths and manage your weaknesses. In our culture, we are taught to improve ourselves by improving upon our weaknesses. Right? Think about the last time you were told (or thought) that you should get better at something you hate doing. Marcus doesn’t think focusing on your weaknesses works. I don’t either! First you need to know what your strengths are, so get his book and find your strengths. Get a new book, because it has a code you can use to take a quiz. This is not your typical personality type test that tells you to go into sales or marketing or pig farming. It’s innovative! I’ve already made some obvious discoveries about myself. I say obvious, but until I learned what my strengths are, I just thought I needed to work on the other stuff. Not true!
What are your strengths?
One of the exercises Marcus asks his clients to do is to identify the activities that leave them feeling strong and those that leave them feeling weak. I did the exercise and have a deeper connection and understanding of myself than ever before. It makes sense to me why I react in certain situations in the way I do. After reading, watching, meditating, and journaling, I have a strength statement:
I feel strong when I connect with people in deep and meaningful ways!
This statement gives me goose bumps and makes me cry. I knew this about myself, but not in the context of one of my most endearing strengths. From this simple statement I understand myself in many circumstances I have found myself in. Here’s an example:
I’ve always judged myself as incompetent when networking in large groups. I hate it! But after claiming one of my strongest themes: RELATOR! I can see why networking has been so difficult for me. I LOVE connecting with people and in large group I feel lost and disconnected, at least until I’ve established a connection.
Here is a description of RELATOR: It’s all about relationships. According to Marcus, a person with relator as his strength is comfortable being intimate and will be drawn toward people he already knows. A superficial connection is spontaneously and instinctively deepened. An authentic connection is desired. Vulnerability and risk is evident as the ‘relator’ shares himself entrusting himself to the relationship.
That’s me! Now I know how important it is to understand, not judge, our behavior. Recently, I attended an event with about 300 people. I was told to bring LOTS of business cards. In the first 20 minutes of the presentation, the speaker told us that we had 2 minutes to collect as many cards as we could. Then he said, “GO!” Immediately the person next to me asked me for my card. I immediately responded with, “No! I want to get to know you first.” I spent the entire 2 minutes with this one person. My behavior in this situation was instinctual and spontaneous. I didn’t even have to think about my response.
At the time I thought I did it all wrong, but today I can see that to connect with others in deep and meaningful ways is instinctual for me. I don’t have to be something that I am not because the weakness dictates what I should develop. No! Connecting is natural and invigorates me. Someone without my strength would have a different experience and depending on her strength may even be invigorated by the networking process. Yuck!
Focus on your strengths!
Do you get what I’m saying? I’ll never rid myself of this weakness (Marcus calls this strength ‘Woo’). The best I can do is manage my weaknesses. Maybe I team up with someone who loves to network. Maybe Michelle is up in front of 10,000 people speaking her heart out, loving every minute of it. And me? What am I doing? Greeting people. Welcoming them. Connecting with them. I love that. We both get to do what we are naturally good at! We get to focus on our strengths and what turns us on. It’s different for each of us!
What do you think?
I want to know who you are and what strengthens you. I want to support you. Not you as a group, I am not talking to the group! I am talking to you! I want to know you as a person. When I write, I know I am talking to a large group of people… But that doesn’t do it for me. I am invigorated by our interaction. I am strengthened by the connection we make. Every comment is important to me. Every person who subscribes means something to me–a connection!
And now I know that everyone isn’t like me. Guess what? There is nothing wrong with any of us. We’ve just been focusing on the wrong doohickey’s. It’s only when I judge your weakness that I can’t see your strength. Here is what Marcus has to say about interpretation:
“And for some strange reason when we do have a precise, commonly agreed upon word for a strong pattern of behavior, the word we use often has a negative connotation…[someone] who can’t wait to act? She is impatient or impulsive. People who are brilliant at imposing order and structure on the world? Anal…People who anticipate and are always asking “What if?” Worriers. Whichever way wee look at it, we don’t have a rich enough language to describe the wealth of human talent we see around us.” –Marcus Buckingham Now, Discover Your Strengths.
Getting rid of your weaknesses is a waste of your time!
Does this make sense to you? You can’t get rid of your weaknesses. Ever! But, focusing on your strengths will have a huge impact on your life. Marcus made a connection with me through his writing and I have transferred that connection to my work. Your purpose is found in your strengths. There can be no other way. My purpose is to teach concepts that empower people to transform their lives. Someone with strengths other than mine can teach the same concepts, but they’ll do it in a different way. I need to teach these concept through deep and meaningful connections. And as I develop my strengths more fully, my purpose will expressed more and more effortlessly. So will yours. Give it a try. And, please….pretty please… let me know how it goes.
One more thing… I’m NOT a blogger!
I’ve always resisted being called a blogger, and now I know why. I didn’t believe I could connect as deeply as I instinctively want to. Ha! Weakness? No, I can adopt a new perspective and use my strength of ‘relator’ and make the connections I desire. I am submitting this to problogger. To connect!
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Written by CK Reyes - CK is a Life Coach, Facilitator and Cheerleader of your Wildest Dreams! Contact CK from the tab above or leave your comment below.
Love the article. I wish everyone was empowered to live using their strengths and to also do that with some divine purpose. Oh what a world we would live in.
I too loved Buckingham’s book and find that using strengths as a manager of a team at work, pays off far more than looking to get rid of weaknesses. Its far easier to just keep them away from their weaknesses and fill the gap with someone else who has that as a strength. Thanks for sharing this story, it triggered me to read a few more of your articles even though I hadn’t yet looked too closely as my blog reader list is far too large obviously. So, you made one more more personal connection with this one…
This is a wonderful article CK! And it’s wonderful, because it’s going to make me think - think about what really are my strengths and weaknesses. And how I can really work on my strengths. This is a new thought process for me. And one I’m excited about! I see so much potential as I read this about really understanding who I am, and what I desire in my life.
And, along with Mike, you’ve made another personal connection with me. Your sharing of personal experiences in this piece really helped for me to connect with what you were saying. And to connect with you.
Read Lances last blog post..Dreams For Our World
[...] Warning! Don’t Read This Unless You Want To Get Rid of Weakness! by CK Reyes [...]
Mike,
Yeah, I love personal connections! And since that is my strength, what kind of team do you manage? How do you encourage their strengths? Are they obvious to you? Are they obvious to the members of your team? What are your strengths? (top 5 of course…) Is “learner” one of them?
Lance, I will be very interested to learn what your strengths are. After I take a look at your blog (and Mike’s) I will see if I can figure that out in advance. I look forward to a deeper connection as I check out yours and Mike’s blog! Thanks for sharing and please keep me posted on what you learn about yourself as a result of this post.
This article totally reasonated with me and served as another reminder from the universe that my role on this planet is one of a connector. It’s funny because up on my wall in the hallway I wrote down three things I do well:
1. I am a miracle
2. I am a communicator
3. I am a connector
The funny thing is I am also reading a book called “The Reconnection” by Dr. Eric Pearl (about reconnecting to the universe and using your healing abilities). I also have a book called “Fired Up or Burned Out” (Michael Lee Stallard) which talked about how connectivity in the workplace is the secret.
I keep getting messages from the universe about “connectivity”! And so it is reminding me that this is one of my biggest strengths as a speaker. I have this ability to connect from the stage and in person. That is my strongest skill and I’m grateful for it.
I agree 1,000 percent that we ought to focus on our strengths, not weaknesses. I’ve heard of this philosophy before but can’t remember where I first learned of it. But it makes total sense. I believe it’s a total waste of time, like you, to try to fix our weaknesses.
Thanks for a brlliantly written reminder that I keep focusing on my strengths, especially the “connector” part. Wow.
[...] Warning! Don’t Read This Unless You Want To Get Rid of Weakness! by CK Reyes [...]
Stephen,
The interesting thing about Marcus Buckingham’s work is that when you identify your top 5 (out of 34) themes, then you start seeing how they inter-relate, or interestingly enough, connect with each other. I love the idea that our talents are innate. That means we don’t need to create a talent. We might need to develop it fully, gain some skills we don’t have, or find a way to use our talents constructively. Matisse didn’t take formal lessons before getting accepted into a very famous art school in Paris. He didn’t touch a paint brush until his mother put one in his hand while he was bedridden. Then his talent–natural talent–manifested. When we find the innate strengths inside of us, they free us to express ourselves in the most authentic ways for each of us as individuals. I love that. I am curious about your other strengths and how they inter-relate… How do your other talents fit into your speaking? What parts do you hate? What parts do you love (I know connecting)? And how can you take it to the next level? Or (very important) are you in the perfect place with it? It is important to not promote yourself out of your strength and talent into something you hate because you think it should be the next step.
CK, your “relator” comes across loud and clear. How beautiful! And how lucky for all of us.
I also love your description of the networking event because “collecting” cards is a pet peeve of mine. What a waste to mindlessly collect cards. Genuine interest shines through. Events are for meeting people and understanding what they need and how we can serve them. I’ll take quality over quantity, any day! (Have you read Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazi? It reminds us that networking relationships are, first and foremost, relationships.)
I look forward to reading more.
Laura
Read Lauras last blog post..Decision-Making for Non-Intuitive People
CK, thanks for getting back to me on email as well. I obviously confused what was email and what was commented here on your blog. Jeesh, you’d think I’d know better by now how to use a computer :). Anyway, I regularly discuss strengths with my team and we all work to use each other’s strengths in our collaborative efforts.
I like http://www.viasurvey.org where you can take a LONG survey to get your strengths. Its VERY good and seems accurate for all I’ve reviewed (me and my team).
I like the discussions here around connecting. Laura, I loved “Never Eat Alone” as Ferrazi addresses this whole networking vs building a network thing well. If you don’t know, http://www.manager-tools.com has a few podcasts on the very subject as well.
Read Mike Kings last blog post..Book Review: Better Than Good
Laura,
I have not read the book. I will check it out, sounds like something I would like.
I think in terms of strengths it is very important that we not judge what we hate about something as being wrong. People who have the strength called, “Woo” are energized by these networking meetings and would never consider it a mindless waste and you and I do. This is what I love about these insights. For me, I hate the thought of collecting a card and not knowing who the card belongs by the time I get home. This is because my strength is ‘relator’…. But someone with the “woo” strength will probably remember everything about it. When we invite in people who complement our strengths (I mean possess as strengths–our weaknesses) magic happens. That is where we create at a new level–using more strengths than what we personally possess… and each of us are invigorated by what we are up to in the world.
Mike,
Are we caught up then? What teams do you manage? I am interested in the survey and am beginning to see a real need for all of us to focus on our strengths.
CK, I can’t tell you how much this article means to me. I’ve been working with my weaknesses for so long, and my recent discoveries have shown me exactly this - like you’ve told me in our emails. Thank you for yet another perspective on the topic - something “clicked” for me as I read it. I’m not sure what yet, though
Read Albert | UrbanMonk.Nets last blog post..Reader Discussion: Spirituality and Money
Albert,
I am just sitting down to take the “StrengthsFinder” evaluation. If you get a chance to read the book, Now, Discover Your Strengths, I think you will not be disappointed. I will let you know what my results are. And please let me know how the “clicking” manifests into the world and your psyche.
CK, I can relate to RELATOR… completely!
But I loved your statement, “Getting rid of your weaknesses is a waste of time!” LOVE IT! So radical and so true!
Ria, so in …relating… I NEED MORE!
How is this radical? How is this true? For you personally?
Well, considering how BIG the self-improvement/development industry is… I’d say that “getting rid of weaknesses” is a pretty popular and widely accepted notion. For me personally, I’ve been reading Pema Chodron’s “Start Where You Are,” which champions a related idea to yours: that there is no need for self-improvement, we already have everything we need. It’s a matter of perception and what you focus on.
I attended a workshop a couple of years ago and one of the ideas I took away from it was “If you are not giving your gift, you are learning a lesson.” Also related, I think in the sense that if you are not focusing on a strength, then you are focusing on a weakness. You always have the choice.
Ria,
I love the idea: there is no need for self-improvement. I agree wholeheartedly with this idea. I believe that when we uncover (or unveil) our true self, then we can express our gifts because they are already there…. they’ve just been covered up. Another way of looking at self-improvement is actually a way that we can unveil what is there. Workshops, classes, even coaching helps to illuminate that which is….
thanks again Ria….
I love the image of our flaws being like clouds. Behind them, is a perfect blue sky!
I’m really enjoying the Divine Purpose Unveiled eCourse, BTW. You both have done an excellent job with it.
Ria, Thank you, we worked HARD on it! And it was fun!
What did you learn about yourself form the course?