What is expectation?
For some of us it is a knowing that we will fail. For others it is a depression that permeates our lives. Still, for others, it is an unconscious belief that what we have to share with the world is worthless. Negative expectations seem to take the drivers seat without our conscious awareness. And I am here to wake you up and say STOP IT! Now!
I don’t want to assume, but just in case…
How long have you been holding yourself back out of your negative expectations? We could call them your fears. Have you ever thought to yourself, “I’m not good enough,” or, “I’ll surely fail,” or “It’s too much work,” and then given up on yourself? and your dreams? What does your internal dialog sound like? I bet it’s rougher than my powerful request for you to stop holding yourself back. Maybe your negative expectations have been the creative force behind your endeavors. If they have been, you can change if through simple but powerful choices you make on a daily basis. But…
Are other people’s negative expectations holding you back?
Maybe you share your dreams and instead of getting the extra excitement and support you hoped for, you discover you’ve entered a war zone. All your dreams get shot down by people who think they are helping you. They point out what could go wrong or why it won’t work out for you. Again, some simple choices you can make that will ensure that your negative expectations don’t run your life any longer.
Here are 3 steps to shifting your negative expectations
If you follow these steps, you will be well on your way to shifting your negative expectations and move yourself toward expressing your life purpose.
- Know what it is that you want. I know this sounds simple, but really it can be quite challenging. I had everyone else’s ideas in my head for so long, I couldn’t even hear my own voice. So this step is crucial. Invest the time it takes to get quiet, filter out everyone else’s ideas from your own, and be totally and brutally honest with yourself. Ask: What do I really want. And then listen. It doesn’t do any good to ask and then not listen to your own wisdom.
- Trust. Trust that your answer is your soul guiding you to an incredible life. Imagine that you won’t be happy until you have whatever your intuition told you. When we know what we want, we often talk ourselves out of it. Oh, that’s too big. Oh, what will they think? A common way that we get in our own way is that we know the answer, but we don’t listen to it. We discount it. But, you will feel it in your heart. Don’t talk about it yet, at least to naysayers. Let it permeate your thick walls of negative expectations. Ultimately, what you want is for you (yes, even if what we want effects everyone else as well).
- Open your heart and consciously look for how the universe is supporting your desire. Expect it. Look for how the universe is guiding you to what you want, even in adversity. Recently, I read an article over on Remarkable Communication and Sonia Simone said, “We could try to be a little more aware as we move through our days–leave a little room open for the possibility that something extraordinary could happen…expect better out of our lives…expect greatness from our work…expect passionate fanaticism…expect personal lives and professional lives that nourished and enriched one another.”
You will find what you look for!
You will find what you look for whether it’s negative or positive. The choice is up to you. What do you want to look for? Even in the most traumatic and the most dramatic of circumstances. What if you were to look through the positive expectation colored glasses? How would your life be different? How would you see possibility where previously all you saw were obstacles? How might you be more willing to share your spiritual gifts? Many people have benefited from the death of Polly Klaas. Simply because of the choices that her father made after the tragedy.
Why Bother?
Most people I have encountered want to make a difference in the world. Mr. Klaas used the death of his daughter to make a difference in the world. He could have made a lot of other choices that disempowered him, but he made a powerful contribution of his time and energy to help other kids be safe and return home to their families. Most people have lots of reasons why they aren’t using their gifts to make a difference. Most people I know feel bad about themselves when they aren’t contributing.
Your spiritual gifts are your contribution.
Living your purpose does not have to be a struggle. You don’t have to make something up, you only have to check in with your heart. You will not be led astray if you listen and act on those spiritual promptings. Although sometimes it might feel like it. For example, when it feels like things aren’t going your way. Ahem…. What if the bumpy roads were part of waking you up? Would you really be motivated to live your purpose more fully if things were easy for you? I don’t think so.
Your blissful happiness can only be found in living your purpose.
If you aren’t finding happiness inside of your own heart, sharing and contributing your spiritual gifts that originate deep inside of you, then you aren’t living your purpose. And if you aren’t living your purpose then I bet you’re struggling in several areas of your life. What if the gift inside of your struggles and unhappiness are the motivation to change your life? What if without the pain, you wouldn’t be willing to make the necessary changes that bring you bliss? How much pain is present for you? Maybe that could be the indication of the changes you need to make in your life to align with your spiritual gifts.
It really is very simple
Take the ego out of your internal dialog. Stop listening to all the reasons why you shouldn’t take the big leap of faith and do what you have always wanted to do. And trust that your intuition will lead you in the right direction. If you can’t seem to accomplish these shifts on your own, then get help. Consider it a gift from the universe. We are always available to support you, but it doesn’t have to be us. There is a lot of support available, find it. Gift yourself with it. How much longer are you going to let negative expectations, or anything else, stand between you and your dreams? The world needs you! The world needs your spiritual gifts. We aren’t complete without them all manifested!
Written by CK Reyes - Life Coach, Facilitator and Cheerleader of your Wildest Dreams! Contact Leila using the tab above.
Divine Purpose Unleashed, Live Your Life Purpose is a division of Divine Purpose Unleashed, LLC. co founded by Michelle Vandepas and CK Reyes. Divine Purpose Unleashed works with Professionals, Therapists Coaches and other service professionals to Unveil their Divine Life Purpose, Unleash their Contribution to the world and Manifest their Conscious Livelihood®. No matter where you are in your journey, the DPU staff of coaches and professionals will guide you to live your purpose with clarity and align your your authentic expression with your marketing efforts. For more information about how you can work with us, please click on the 
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A few comments.
I think fears can be different to expectations – a fear can be a response to a current threat.
Expectations aren’t always right. We can be surprised for better or worse (sometimes both).
I do think that we aren’t complete until we are living our gift.
Evan, thanks! Yes, fears can be a response to a threat. What have you seen? I have seen that our fears fuel our negative expectations. And, yes our expectations are not always right, but when we are expecting a certain outcome, often we are looking for that outcome to happen so we can be right about it. For example if I expect that my partner will do something negative, I will most likely be on the lookout for the action I expect him to take. (negative or positive.) We humans are funny that way, we want to be right.
Fears certainly do fuel negative expectations. Eg incest survivors are usually hypervigilant because they don’t want to be abused again – and so in some sense expect this (know it’s possible).
My behaviour is certainly influenced by my expectations – if I expect to fail I probably won’t try as hard for instance.
I think expectations are important. I guess my inclination is to hold them lightly rather than change them (I’m a very heady person).
Evan
Heady gets things done Evan. The heart makes sure that what you’re getting done feeds your soul and also focuses your expectations into the light! Heady is good!
CK living from your heart isn’t always simple, or even pragmatic. One of the reasons I love teaching with you is we don’t always agree on this. Yes. Live from your heart, but if your heart says leave your job tomorrow, and you don’t have another one lined up, then FEAR steps in, and perhaps the fear is information. Save some money first! Start interviewing! Brush up on your Job Skills! Everything can come together – miracles happen, but usually it is the preparation that collides with destiny to make the shifts happen. So, listen to your heart,then, prepare, and expect miracles.
Fear is the anticipation of pain.
I agree with CK that our fear produce the negative expectation which drives us mad and shooting out the unnecessary adrenalin.
* regarding the first sub-topic, is it “What is expectation?” or “What is negative expectation?”
Read Raymond Chuas last blog post..You Are The Director Of Your Life
What a powerful article and so timely for me. The universe must have sent me to you. I’m in the process of making a tremendous, audacious shift in my work life and personal life. I’m retiring in two months to run two blogs.
At times I feel bouyant and excited. This week I felt overwhelmed and doubtful. Holding onto a positive thought takes more work than I imagined. Yet, as I faced my technology struggles, I now see that for each one an answer or help was also provided.
I am grateful that I can be both a humble student and generous teacher on the subject of designing the life I deserve and want.
Dina, Please allow me to gift you with an hour coaching session so you can gain some additional clarity on your path. It’s what I do best! You can learn more about me at http://divinepurposeunleashed.com/ck-reyes/ . We also have an incredible workshop October 17-19 called Divine Purpose Unveiled. Lots of fun exercises to encourage the unveiling of your purpose. I learn more about my purpose every time I facilitate it. I am here to empower men and women to heal their hearts so they can live with passion. And by the way, the universe sent us to each other! I can’t wait to get to know you better. What specifically do you see in the answer or help that was provided?
Raymond, expectation. It could go either way–negative or positive. We just tend to gravitate toward the negative.
Yes, Michelle. I agree, with one exception: Cultivate your faith so you don’t put your fear in your faith. Expecting things to not work out. Learn to distinguish between the voice of fear and the voice of faith. If the voice of your faith is louder than the voice of your fear then you don’t need to question anything. You will know intuitively whether you need to quite your job now or stay until another one opens up. Even if you’re scared. I’m not telling anyone to quit their job and then blame me…. What I am saying is that your inner wisdom is more powerful than you have given it credit. Have you ever heard of the phrase, when one door closes another one opens? Sometimes you need to close a door so there is enough energy available for the other one to open. But, not at the expense of your peace of mind…. If you can’t close the door with peace in your heart and a deep inner knowing that you will be taken care of, then don’t do it. First look to the structures that cultivate your inner awareness.
Great post. I enjoyed reading it & can’t wait to share it with others! Thanks!
Expectation = future = fear. That’s how I always look at it. CK, your methods above do a great job of getting us out of the cycle of always looking at the future while projecting the past on to it. Over and over, around and around we go.
I can so easily get caught in it myself. The future is insidious. Thanks for a delightful post!
Tom, It’s like we collect evidence and then go around proving ourselves right. What if we started each day fresh? I wonder how life would be different if we didn’t drag the baggage around. I am sure you talk about this with your clients. Can you share more of your insights on this?
Dear CK -
This is one of your very best articles and it could be expanded into an entire book.
This really spoke to me -
“Maybe you share your dreams and instead of getting the extra excitement and support you hoped for, you discover you’ve entered a war zone. All your dreams get shot down by people who think they are helping you.”
People try to shoot you down not out of malice – but because of their own fear for you. They don’t want you to fail.
Thanks for your always sage advice.
Corinne,
Even deeper than that, they don’t want to take the risks themselves and so they try and talk others out of living their dreams. It’s not malicious, it is their own fears of living own potential that motivates this behavior. If we want to step into our next highest expression, we need to be courageous enough to listen to our own internal wisdom, not the fears of others.
Thanks, I would love to write a book. Know any publishers you can turn me on to?
Great article! I totally agree that negative influences and expectations can wear us down and stop us from pursuing our dreams. It is very important to be aware of these limitations that we have placed on ourselves.
I like it what you said that “Your blissful happiness can only be found in living your purpose.” Nice one there!
Thanks for sharing,
Evelyn
Read Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Maps last blog post..Raise Awareness; Release Guilt
Evelyn, I went to your site and noticed your post on guilt. It struck me from reading your post that guilt qualifies as a negative influence… wears us down and prevents us from moving toward what we want because we feel so bad about ourselves. What limitations have you noticed are most common with the people you interact with? What limitations have you had to work through? and where are you personally on the “living your purpose” scale? I am so curious!
I found your site this morning from another blog, quoting you. I want to read more of your blog as I have time. I am in a real funk and my mind seems to be clouded in fear so that seeing or finding my passion is difficult. Life things also get in the way of finding time to reflect. I believed so much that I had a purpose in life but since selling my company last October and taking a job I didn’t like but needed for income and now am miserable I can’t see my way out.
I’ve always been able to climb over the wall that was in front of me. Today, the wall is either too high or I don’t have the energy, desire, passion to climb over. I am stuck.
Hopefully I can gain some perspective or direction from reading your blog or words of inspiration from you can help. Thank you for finding your passion and sharing with others to make lives better.
steve