By now you have probably heard about our report 7 Myths, 8 Lies, and 35 Excuses People Use For Not Living Their Purpose. I have had a slew of dis-empowering myths, lies, and excuses causing me to question my every move. I’ve found that as I gave them up I became empowered to live the life I live today. I want to share a little of my personal journey in working with myths, lies, and excuses.
MYTHS
In the report we shared that myths are unproved stories that we give our power to. One story that I grew up with was this:
…because my mother left me at a young age without saying goodbye, I am insignificant. She felt no connection to me and was better off without me in her life…
I gave a lot of power to this story I told myself. Most of it on an unconscious level. As soon as I was able to identify the story I could create a story around my mother leaving that empowered me. We are making it all up anyway. Why would I want to listen to that old and limiting story? Here is my new story:
On a soul level my mother was supporting me to develop my most valuable qualities of compassion and non-judgment.
I feel good about this new meaning I have to a difficult event in my life. As a result I was able to let go of the pain and grief surrounding the event and invite in a deep appreciation for my mother.
LIES
I have told myself many lies over the 4 decades I’ve been on this earth. Here are some:
- I am unworthy to have what I want
- I can’t take care of myself
These lies left me feeling powerless. Because of these lies I played small for much of my life. I never felt capable of caring for myself and always needed to feel secure. Since I never did I didn’t take many risks. I remember staying glued to the back porch because I was too afraid to venture into the dark. As I replaced these lies with truths, I started to take risks and discover what I wanted for my life. Today I feel empowered to move forward into the unknown.
Excuses
I have found that excuses are extremely limiting. They almost guarantee that we won’t have anything we want in life. Here are some of my favorite…
- I don’t know how
- I will fail
- I will say the wrong thing
The last one, “I will say the wrong thing,” has kept my mouth shut for many years. I am saying a lot these days, and guess what? I do say the wrong thing. All the time. Not everyone likes what I have to say. Some people hate what I have to say. But I had to make a decision. Was I going to live my life from the fear of saying the wrong thing (maybe even hurting someone or making someone mad), or was I going to allow for my fullest expression. It hurt too much to keep quiet. Today, I speak freely. Sometimes my throat still tightens up, but I will never allow it to silence me again. I have too much to say and speaking is a big part of how I live my purpose.
How can you empower yourself to live a fuller expression?
When you uncover the myths, lies, and excuses that have been stifling your creative expression, you will be well on your way. If you can’t do it on your own, then get the support you need. I needed a lot of support as I made changes in my internal world. I still hire a coach to support my next highest expression to emerge.
At the beginning of the report, we shared that intuition is a direct perception of truth independent of reasoning; intuition is knowledge that is untaught. In other words, intuition is what you know. Not what you have been told. Intuition is what nags at you internally when you know you need to take an action. Intuition is what tells you that you have just heard a truth from an outside source.
The most powerful support I received was in trusting my own intuition
All of the work I do includes an element of empowering others to first find, and then trust their inner voice. As you trust more you will find that your spiritual gifts start to emerge. The report and subsequent trainings, classes, and workshops are no different. Michelle and I both intend to provide the support that allows for you to connect with your inner wisdom and then take the actions that are generated by your intuitive heart.
If for some reason you haven’t read the report you can download it here.
Written by CK Reyes - Life Coach, Facilitator and Cheerleader of your Wildest Dreams! Contact Leila using the tab above.
Join the conversation and leave your thoughts below:
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey CK…. I love how you have let us all get to know the ins and outs of your life an processes. Thanks! And I couldn’t agree more with you about dropping these myths. Actually, for me, they go in the category of beliefs, all beliefs. We are so limited by these crazy things we walk around believing are true. Incredible, really, when you start to see through it. But thankful, we start to. You just can’t lie to yourself for too long.
Again, thanks for all the sharing. Much appreciated.
Read Life Coaching for Spiritual People – Tom Stines last blog post..Beyond Spiritual Practices – Suzanne Segal
CK, what an incredibly powerful post. I have found at the root of my own excuses and lies is fear. With God’s help, I continue to grow and replace the fear with power. When an old tape tries to play in my head, I hit the erase button and play the new version. You are truly an inspiration. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Read Karen Swims last blog post..The Baffling Case of the Invisible Client
Tom, Yes… beliefs. I think that we make it all up so why not make a list of our beliefs that hold us back and then make a new empowering belief for each belief we want to let go of. Lives change! People start doing what they want to with their lives. I LOVE that!
Karen,For the benefit of everyone… Will you share more specifically HOW you play the new version. It doesn’t seem that easy to just replace it… Do you have a structure to help with the implementation of the new version? What support do you use to step into your power? How have you grown? What specifically was it like living in fear and what has shifted for you as you replace it with power? I am so curious and I believe this is important information for people to see they can do it to. Everyone can!
Hi CK
Just discovered your blog as I blogged around BlogCatalog. I read you article with interest. I was immediately struck by an excuse that has recently come into my awareness. Seems like when you think you have them all licked, up crops something new.
As I started to meditate more, I noticed this phrase and other variations started to pop up, “I don’t have time… to do that…read that… etc.
Now that I am aware, and awareness is 9/10th’sof the battle, I can now start weeding out that excuse in my life.
Oh my god, now what will I use???
Nick
Read Nick Grimshawes last blog post..Lessons for the Heart and Soul
Nick,
Don’t use any excuse! You are right the awareness is the key! One thing I have found is that a lot of people try to do things they don’t even want to do. Maybe someone else told them they should…. Maybe the person who told them they should do something, should do it. Not enough time is in the top 3 excuses. What will your life look like now that you’ve given that one up?
ps: I like your website!
Wonderful article!
The point that touched home for me was the self-limiting excuse of “I will say the wrong thing”. I have been there. In fact, I am still there at times. And I’m sure I have other excuses that limit me as well. I will need to spend some time in thought, and determine what in my life is acting against making my life the greatest it can be. What you’ve provided here will be very helpful in going through this process – thank you!
Read Lances last blog post..Maintenance, Do You Do It?
Lance,
I notice that when I use this ‘excuse’ it is out of a very old fear.. After doing some of my own work, I find that I am taking responsibility for how someone else responds to what I say. That is responsibility I don’t need to take. I know I can’t control that, but it doesn’t always stop me. This has been my biggest obstacle to overcome: to say what is true for me and let others take it how ever they want to. Funny, my tummy still hurts when I say that; that informs me as to how deep these myths, lies, and excuses run and also helps me to be compassionate to others when they allow myths, lies, and excuses to run their lives. I do believe awareness is the key to shifting it. Then we aren’t on automatic pilot!
C.K., great questions! Some of the practical tools that have helped me are beginning my day with prayerful meditation (allows me to set the tone for the day and set my mind), visible reminders in my space (notes, whiteboard messages, scriptures. I am very visual so the visual cues are huge for me) and practice! Once you become aware that you are self sabotaging you learn to be attuned when the wrong tape plays. When that happens (and yes it still does) I stop and verbally, mentally and sometimes in writing tell myself the right message. The results? I have run two marathons even though I was too old, not skinny enough, blah, blah, blah..started my own business even though I didn’t have enough knowledge, money, blah, blah, blah and most importantly am truly living a life of joy and balance. Yes, everyone can!
Read Karen Swims last blog post..Stick It! 5 Lessons Learned From Olympic Gymnasts
Karen! thanks for sharing… You mention that you are very visual… This is an important piece of information when learning anything. If you know the best way for you to learn, you can use that information to shift out of any disempowering perspective. (that goes for all of us
)
Awesome post! When I read the part about saying the wrong thing I immediately thought of the Tori Amos song “Silent All These Years” where she says “I hear my voice and it’s been here, silent all these years.” Self-censorship can occasionally be a blessing, like when you feel the urge to tell someone their dress is ugly, but for the most part, it is a curse. Out of fear of saying the wrong thing people say nothing and they stifle a huge part of their soul.
On the matter of our myths I discovered that I have been talking about myself behind my own back! I wrote about my discovery and how I am working to correct that in my post http://melissathinksoutloud.com/2008/08/06/eavesdropping-on-your-mind/
I have been having great success silencing the negative voices in my head and replacing them with loving and encouraging ones.
C.K. I am really loving your blog. You have a loyal new reader!!
Melissa,
Thanks for the link. I read your post and I LOVE it! I love where you say these thoughts are “like ruts cut in your brain.” It is so easy to fall into the thinking rut and when you aren’t conscious of your thoughts then you’re in big trouble. The “rut” is the default path. You explained it beautifully that we need to bring awareness to our thoughts and when our minds are “stabbing us in the back,” we need to tell ourselves to shut up. Honestly, if you really think about it we would never treat our best friend the way we treat ourself. Imagine how life would be different if we treated ourselves like the most important person on the planet. Our outer expression reflects our inner world–even if subtly.
Hi CK,
Once again you’ve shown us how we can step out of our stories and live a full and rewarding life. Does this mean that we won’t step in the mud anymore, certainly not. We are human afterall. That’s what is so great about your work…. You show us through your own life’s experiences that even though we experience fears and doubts, we can use them instead of letting them use us!
Thanks for another great post and for the 7 Myths, 8 Lies, and 35 Excuses Report.
You are an inspiration!
Karen,
You are welcome! Yes, we will step in the mud, but we will know it when we do. Awareness is the key to changing patterns of behavior. Without it, we are like robots automatically reacting instead of consciously choosing our path.
But, you know that Karen. You teach these concepts in your coaching business! By the way, are you taking on new clients? I’ve told a few of my readers you would give them a free sample session. Are you still up for that?
Hi CK,
Thank you for the referrals. I appreciate the support and connection that we share with our readers.
Yes, I am offering Complimentary Coaching Sessions to parents and teachers – exclusively.
You are the perfect candidate for a free session if you,
• …are a parent who is overwhelmed with balancing your career & family – you want more joy and satisfaction in your everyday life.
• …are a teacher who is passionate about children but feel burnt out from the lack of support from administration and the demands of lesson preparation/classroom management.
Your 60 minute Complimentary Coaching Session will have you leaving with life altering strategies you can begin using immediately!
Email me at karen@apeacefulintegration.com and mention CK’s blog or call me at 480-818-0206.
I have just signed up for my own e-course! Is that crazy? I want to see how it goes…I want to connect with my purpose in a deeper way. If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that Myths, Lies, and Excuses are the only things that can hold us back from living our purpose.
The myth I would like to be able to make a commitment to completely give up is: ‘I have to give up my life and let a lot of people down to live my purpose’. I am a husband and father, and a brand new homeowner. Besides the time that I dedicate to my wife and daughter (and 2 dogs), we need both of our incomes to pay the mortgage. To pursue my dream would take a lot of my time and attention away from my family and ultimately might require that I quit my job before establishing a clear revenue stream.
For now, I will thank God for my beautiful family and focus on being grateful for my chance to serve Him by being ‘present’ for my wife and daughter.
I’m making two commitments to give up the following: 1) the excuse that I don’t have time to work out and train. I do have time but just need better time management skills and motivation to do it so I feel better about myself. 2) the excuse that someone else is preventing me from doing the things I love. They aren’t really. I’m allowing myself to not do those things all by myself. If they’re important enough to me I should still be doing them and feeling whole and happy.
Thanks!
Sarah, now that you’ve given up the excuse that you don’t have time to work out and train, how will you hold yourself accountable? How will you remember this in a week or a month? Same with your second commitment. What structure do you need to put in place to make this happen? So that in one year from now you will look back on it with pride that you kept your commitments to yourself? Asking someone to hold you accountable (even if it needs to be a professional support like a coach) will increase your chances of success.
On New Years Day my dad wrote a nasty letter to me saying he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. It leaves me feeling abandoned, unwelcomed and unneeded even though I know none of the things he wrote about are valid. All this came about becuase he didn’t want to pay my mom alimony anymore and I sent him a letter reminding him of his responsbilities. His reply was emotional and inappropriate. Now I feel a lot of negative anger too so your report holds lot of truth about how we react to parental disappproval even though I am a grown man. Somehow I will get over it without lashing back at him but right now it feels very ugly.
Geoff, I’m 50. My parents are still in my head. The key is to here it for what it is, and keep distance from attaching to the words. You are in control of your own life.
Blessings on your journey
Geoff, This is how projection works. Your fathers’ response is not about you. Period! However, the feelings you experience are your reaction and those are the pieces that are your shadows. You could probably look into your life and see places where you do everything you can to avoid feeling abandoned, unwelcomed, and unneeded. Does this ring true for you? Herein lies your freedom!
The report is excellent. As a matter of fact, I suggested to two friends of mine with whom I have been having conversations about Life Purpose over the course of about 15 years or so, to read the report as well. I gained greater clarity around the excuses (incessant questions about whether I am or am not “on path” and doing my life’s purpose). I also gained greater awareness as the subtleties of some of the lies I use and the ‘containers’ I try to use to define my purpose rather than nurture the authentic me.
Excellent work! And, a great way to introduce the work that you do as spiritual guides! Thank you so much for sharing it with me!
Wandzia,
What did you learn of the lies you use and the containers? What changes will you make having this greater awareness?
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