If you haven’t listened, Karen Nowicki was interviewed on Live Your Purpose Radio a couple weeks ago. Karen is an Integrative Life-Coach, parent, and all-around loving human being. Karen has recently authored a lovely children’s story, Maddie Moonbeams Garden, which will come out in August. I had the honor of participating in some trainings with Karen and I just love her! I know you will too! I asked her to share her insights in taking responsibility for yourself and creating the life you want. Karen has been so kind as to offer my readers a complimentary coaching session. If, after reading her article, you are ready to reinvent your life contact her at her website at the end of the article; be sure to mention my name for the free session! Here is her article:
GUEST ARTICLE BY KAREN NOWICKI
IS IT TIME TO REINVENT YOUR LIFE?
It’s easy to overlook that our current situation in life is the result of the choices we’ve made in the past. Think about it, we don’t put on 20 pounds from just one indulgent dinner. Our marriages don’t fail overnight because of one nasty argument. Nor do we end up thousands of dollars in debt because of one extravagant purchase. We are where we are in life because of the choices we make on a daily basis.
Habits are formed based on the choices we make moment by moment, hour by hour, and day by day. Eventually, years go by and we find ourselves unhappy with our lot in life. Somehow we are perplexed by how we got here. We find ourselves saying things like, “What happened to me, I used to be so in shape?”, “Remember when we first met, we were really in love, what changed?”, “I never had to worry about money before, now that is all I do!”, “What is my life purpose anyway? Is this all there is?”
Reinventing your life begins the moment you declare that enough is enough. For some of us, we have some sort of wake-up call that shakes us out of autopilot and pops us back into consciousness. It may be a death of a close friend, an uncomfortable visit to the doctor, or we simply look in the mirror and realize it doesn’t have to be this way! However you land there, take the opportunity and run with it! It is a neon sign telling you that you deserve more.
Yes! This is me, you say, now what?
In all the years that I have studied, practiced and taught personal transformation techniques, I have found that there are 4 key elements to making monumental and lasting change. With the help of Brenda Paskett, another Integrative Coach Professional and dear friend, we have created an easy acronym for these 4 essential ingredients to living your heart’s desire.
The CORE love™ Model includes:
C= Consciousness
O=Openness
R=Responsibility
E=Expansion
The word core, as we all know, represents the central or most important part of something. You’ll notice too, that the word love is embedded in this model as well. Loving ourselves is critical throughout personal transformation because there may be some difficult adjustments as we break old habits and form new healthier ones. If you don’t feel very loving toward yourself right now, that’s ok. As you begin to focus on who you want to be instead of focusing on all the things you’ve done’ wrong, your love for yourself (and others) will strengthen in the process.
CONSCIOUSNESS-Wake up! I mean it. Start paying attention to the choices you make on a daily basis. Ask yourself, “Will this choice move me closer to the life I desire or will it keep me stuck in the past?”
OPENNESS – Give yourself permission to do things differently. Invite the kid in you to hold the steering wheel for awhile and breathe some fresh air into the stale parts of your soul. Ask yourself, “How would I treat myself if I were the most important person in the world?”
RESPONSIBILITY – While the kid in us needs to emerge and rekindle our joy and playful self, we must also take responsibility for our current situation and the choices we are about to make. We must step out of denial or blame and take decisive action towards self-fulfillment. Ask yourself, “How old am I right now emotionally? Is this the best “age” to tap into while making this choice?
EXPANSION – Share your unique contributions with the world – or at least the people around you. Ask yourself, “What have I always dreamed of doing?” “Who have I always wanted to be?” “What do I want to be remembered for?” Those seeds have been planted there for a reason. Find ways to expand or stretch your comfort zone and contribute to your friends and family in a positive way.
Let me know what you think of the CORE Love™ Model and how it applies to you. I’ve found that the more conversations I have around greatness and living my life’s purpose, the quicker my dreams come true. And, if you need additional support, come visit me at www.apeacefulintegration.com. Perhaps it is time to participate in the Reinvent Your Life tele-class or you may be ready for some personalized coaching.
Listen to the audio interview with Michelle and Karen on Live your Purpose Radio
Written by CK Reyes - Life Coach, Facilitator and Cheerleader of your Wildest Dreams! Contact Leila using the tab above.
Divine Purpose Unleashed, Live Your Life Purpose is a division of Divine Purpose Unleashed, LLC. co founded by Michelle Vandepas and CK Reyes. Divine Purpose Unleashed works with Professionals, Therapists Coaches and other service professionals to Unveil their Divine Life Purpose, Unleash their Contribution to the world and Manifest their Conscious Livelihood®. No matter where you are in your journey, the DPU staff of coaches and professionals will guide you to live your purpose with clarity and align your your authentic expression with your marketing efforts. For more information about how you can work with us, please click on the 
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I got hooked on the first sentence “It’s easy to overlook that our current situation in life is the result of the choices we’ve made in the past.”
Every time I make a conscious choice to lose weight, I am practicing CORE. And when I’m blaming my current situation on external issues (like work and work travel), I guess I’m not practicing CORE.
Cheryls last blog post..Ernie Zelinski is Writing a New Book
Hi Cheryl,
Thank you for your comment; it is thought provoking and something most of us can relate to. Losing weight is a conscious choice and does fit within the CORE Model. You mentioned too, that when we blame our current situation on external issues we aren’t practicing CORE. It happens though, doesn’t it? We set our sights on something we want and we work towards achieving it. Then, we hit a roadblock – like in your example with work and travel taking away from eating healthy and losing weight. We can expect these types of roadblocks to occur anytime we want to make a radical shift in our life. It is a natural part of transitioning from one state of being to the next.
We want to be careful, however, with what we label “external”. Our current reality has been created through the choices we have made in the past.So, even something like work or work travel is not outside of being a by-product of our previous choices.
If we say that work and travel are external, then that would suggest that we have no control over ourselves in either of those environments. But the reality is that we do have control, don’t we? Instead, it is a matter of, as you said, whether or not we practice CORE.
Roadblocks can hit us right between the eyes and it often feels out of our control. This past week, for example, I had a work deadline to meet and instead, our family came down with a nasty case of the flu. For six days, all five of us have felt pathetic and puny. I made it to my office only two times – just long enough to see the emails piling up waiting for my attention and reminding me of my commitments. At times, I wanted to scream, “I can’t take it anymore!” and other moments, I had to literally lay still and rest. Now, that we are on the road to mend, not only has the emailed piled up but the house is a wreck, bills need to be paid, and life activities need to resume.
In this time of sickness and recovery I am aware of two things that fit perfectly into this conversation. The first thing is that while I could say that this virus just showed up and consumed our lives for a week. The truth is that I remember not wiping my 1 year old’s hands when we left the play center at the mall a day before he got sick (Not to mention even choosing to go there in the first place!). Not only that, when he started having symptoms, I still let him poke his fingers in my mouth and didn’t wash my hands after feeding him. This illness then, is a by-product of my previous choices.
Secondly, if I allow myself to be consumed by how far behind I’ve fallen in all my “doings”, I will stay stuck in my story, believing that my life can never move beyond drama such as this. But, if I recommit to using the CORE techniques and questions, I can realign my actions and behaviors with who I know myself to be – at my highest and best, and very quickly my outside world will begin to reflect that (again).
Whew. That is quite possibly more than you would ask for in a brief response to my original blog. But hey, I’ve been away from work for a week and had to recharge somehow! Thanks for indulging.
I took a look at your blog and love it, by the way. I am looking forward to more of your posts on retirement and will raise a glass to you 9 months from now!
Namaste,
Karen
Thank you, Karen, your response is more than I could have ever hoped for. I’m sorry you and your family have been sick with the flu all week!
Thanks for taking the time to look at my blog. It’s a labor of love these days.
It’s true, I chose this line of work and I chose the promotions and I continue to choose to show up (at least for the next 9 months).
I’m also choosing to go to my dental appt. tomorrow afternoon rather than canceling it to attend yet another after hours meeting. If my attendance is required it will need to be rescheduled.
I appreciate your message that the choices we make create just about everything that happens in our lives.
I have to hold out that 2% or so of chance, though. I think some things really are out of our control. (like, as a terrible example, the planes hitting the World Trade Center)
Cheryl
Cheryls last blog post..Ernie Zelinski is Writing a New Book
Cheryl and Karen,
I want to chime in on the 2% out of control piece as this is something that I often meditate and wonder about. Is it a collective consciousness that causes disasters as the metaphysicians would have us believe, or the wrath of G-D or just bad luck? I’m not sure that it matters that we know WHY these things happen so much, but that we do whatever we can to still experience the now without expectation of outcome during a time like that.
I’m headed to China in a month – most people in China are in survival mode and in a totally different cultural experience of taking responsibility for their actions – mostly they just need to feed their families.
How does this system of CORE work for those who have little control of their lives…?
Just exploring questions I wrestle with everyday.
Hello Michelle and Cheryl,
There is a little magnet on my fridge that reads:
peace.
it does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noices, trouble
or hard work. it means to be in
the midst of those things and still
be calm in your heart.
Where ever we are in this vast world, we still have the choice as to whether we are guided by our inner voice or ‘external’ circumstances.
The CORE Model speaks to our state of Beingness.
In this moment, who am I choosing to be?
What would our world be like if we individually embraced the divine spirit within ourselves?
Hello again,
The teacher in me needs to correct my spelling in the last post.
“noices” should read: noise….
peace.
it does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble
or hard work. it means to be in
the midst of those things and still
be calm in your heart.
Michelle,
Thanks for the invite to post a photo with comments. Gravatar was quick and easy. You are a great host!
Awesome post. This article really hit home with me! I like the CORE Model — it’s a great concept.
Read Jennas last blog post..Doing Drugs…Is it All in Your Head?
Thanks Jenna. I appreciate you taking the time to share in our conversation and offer your reaction to the CORE Model. Was there anything specific that got you thinking in a new way?
I like what I read, it is just basic common sense and something not a lot of people practice. Personal Responsibility.
I am very unsettled by the post from Michelle, why did she spell GOD with a – ?
Sad. She seems to be a blamer and not a fixer.
I want to hear more of your speeches are you going to be on the radio any more ?
Thank you
Harold
Harold,
It was CK (me) that spelled GOD with a –
At least originally on this blog…
This is a very important observation.
Perspective is everything! Perspective is our own unique way of looking at something. Perspective is what we decide something means. Perspective can also be our ego’s way of being right. Because my area of expertise is The Shadow, I have to point out that you make it mean that spelling GOD with a – means I am a blamer and not a fixer. (I am not saying that is true or not–I’ve certainly done both in my life.)
The coach in me prompts me to redirect your observation and ask you how you are a blamer and not a fixer. You see the immediate judgment that you projected out could be one of your shadows. If you choose to, you could take this as an opportunity to see yourself.
Because my nature is to be gentle and kind and to connect in deep and meaningful ways, let me give you a different way of looking at spelling GOD with a – …. The name of G-d is so sacred and so special that it cannot be spoken or even written. I don’t personally have a problem writing out God…. but I have been honoring a very special way of honoring G-d, the most loving Creator of me!
I don’t feel a need to explain myself or anything like that, but I am pointing it out because we do this all the time; we project ourselves out onto others and then guess what we end up doing? Exactly what we project!
Does this make sense? Please take it in the most G-d loving way it is meant!
CK
ps: Do you Salsa Dance, Harold? I am thinking of taking lessons. And yes, Michelle will be on the radio regularly.
Hi Salsa dancer.
Interesting that you see my comment as blaming. I love to look at the energy of how to move forward and less about where we came from – but I’m often accused of rushing forward without enough thought!… So.
how can we live in the moment when things fall apart all around us, as some would have us believe right now in our economy.
?
Our economy ? What does that have to do with anything.
Who is to blame there, most say our President (but that is very incorrect), has anyone looked at the last 2 years of a terrible congress or deadbeats who do not repay loans. It is easy to blame our president when you have a liberal view on life.
This is not about that, but we could go there. I am sure I would be speaking on deaf ears. Since this is a house full of liberal thinking , sandal wearing Democrats who hope for doom and gloom and sadness in order to keep clients.
This started out wanting to hear more from Karen, and wondering why GOD was misspelled.
I don’t like short cuts, just like spelling X-mas, it is lazy and disrespectful.
I have not seen a reply from Karen, maybe she is the one I want to hear from, she
might not try to analyze anything I say with that new age voodoo speak.
I think I might have come to the wrong place for some inner peace and outward light.
Ladies, one must look in the mirror and realize all problems start within, it is easy to blame, much easier than admitting the problem.
Thank you for your time.
As for dancing, I might not be the person for you.
Hi Salsa Dancer,
Thank you for the posts. I couldn’t agree more with you on Personal Responsibility. Every time I get frustrated at something that is going on in my life or around me, I can always bring it back to my own lack of integrity or responsibility.
I’ve noticed too, that several bloggers have begun spelling God with a “-” instead of spelling it full out. I appreciate CK’s personal perspective on this because I have been curious about it. I was thinking that it had something to do with search engine optimization and a web content strategy. Interesting.
Feel free to email me directly and I will add you to my newsletter and contact list.
Thank you for replying, not what I expected. Well it is what I expected, not what I had hoped.
I will keep looking at this site along with a few other places.
Karen,CK, Michelle and others thank you for a look from the otherside.
I will be checking in on occasion.
Harold
Ok, Harold, you’ve peaked my curiousity!
What had you hoped to hear in my reply?
What didn’t I say that you wanted to hear from me?
What did I say that was expected?
Karen
Wow! Harold, I think you may be right. It’s just that place of getting what you expect that we want to explore. Often our judgments prevent us from seeing anything other than what we have already decided is true or right–like wearing glasses that only offer one view of the world. It is through taking back our projections on to others that we can create what it is that we want, surely when you listen to the democrats and the republicans talk they are motivated by the same desires. Then we were talking about taking short cuts…thanks for directing the conversation back to what you were originally asking… Which goes back to ‘why’ you were asking in the first place–which sounds like you have an idea that spelling God with a – is lazy and disrespectful–that’s the shadow to look at. Where are you lazy and disrespectful? Or where have you been… Or where could you imagine yourself being lazy and disrespectful. As far as the judgment that your comment would fall on deaf ears, how is that a projection as well? How does what I say fall on deaf ears? Are you listening or just wanting to be right? Thank you Harold for bringing this topic up… I love talking about The Shadow. Check out http://www.debbieford.com/index.php?p=Workshops
Hey Karen, thanks for keeping up on this and responding! I appreciate it.
First I will respond to Karen.
I hoped you would have taken a side perhaps a stance on what you really felt, not what you think you had to say to follow the big blue print you are provided by Miss Debbie Ford.
I expected you to want me to email you so I might just get caught into that web you are starting to spin. My wife tries that too and I get a little perturbed.
That is why I wandered here, to see if I could get some input to help myself better understand my wife.
Now for you other lady.
I did not want to make this political, but you opened the door.
Republicans are nowhere near motivated by the same desires as Democrats.
You Dems want a Socialist country where handouts are the norm and people need someone to lean on and tell them it will be alright.
Where us Republicans want to spread Personal Responsibility, something on which your whole thought process is against. Blame your “shadow” not the true person herself. I might not be the man who knows it all, but I do know that people who can’t think for themselves and need a coach all become sheep, just like all of you who started listening to Miss Ford, you became sheep.
I think you need to spell GOD like it is and do not come up with some poor excuse that you can’t speak his name, that is pure Dogma speak and that shows your liberal view, which leads to deaf ears for most of you mumbo jumbo voodoo spewers.
Well that is all I have to say, I will keep checking in as long as my wife keeps checking out.
Harold
Harold, I think you did want to make this political, but since you say you didn’t I won’t respond. It is interesting to me that you are writing on my blog and calling me, “other lady” what motivates you to speak to me in this manner? I am curious as to what would motivate you to respond at all since you have such strong judgments. It sounds to me like you are doing exactly what you are ‘accusing’ others of doing. How are you a sheep? I would suggest that to understand your wife, you take a good look at your judgment of her and how it might be you that has been checking out. That may not be what is happening, but it is important to look at how it might be true. I wonder if you know Miss Ford, or if you are simply ‘thinking for yourself’ without anything to back it up except your thought. Do you know her? Or are you making a judgment without knowing her? Have you ever had a coach, or are you making it up in your mind what a coach is? How is a coach connected to not thinking for yourself? Do you know? Or are you thinking for yourself without knowing what a coach is or does? Just some things to think about on your journey. They may help in your endeavor to be closer to your wife… Of course, you may not have the desire to be closer to her, just to be right about how she is wrong. Out of respect, please remember that you are writing on my blog… Hope this all helps in your life process.
Hello again, Harold.
You got me. I am neutral. In fact, when I shared this blog strand with my husband he said, “Nice going, Switzerland!” … making me smile, of course.
My mild response was not motivated or prescribed by Debbie. I simply choose to focus my attention on parts of conversations that I feel I could contribute to the most.
You had asked if I were going to be on the radio anymore (at least, I think that question was directed at me) and therefore, my request to have you email me directly was a sincere invitation to stay in touch.
Rather than making announcements about my business and speaking engagements on CK and Michelle’s website, I figured if you were truly interested in hearing more from me that you would log on to my website and see what’s going on over there. You got me, again. This is the tangled web I weave!
Are you open to a DNA or blood test? I swear that you and my husband are the same man! (That is a compliment, by the way.) Your political point of view and the passion in which you share it, has Michael’s fingerprints all over it.
Now that Pandora’s Box is open around political preferences, let me just state my position – without defense or excuse. I am a proud Republican.
During these volatile campaign times, I ground myself in my personal beliefs and (like with this blog exchange) I pick and choose the battles I want to fight.
In the Integrative Coaching Community (aka Miss Debbie Ford’s cult), I am the minority. Have you read her most recent blog, Harold? It ought to chap your hide even more!
Politics aside, my allegiance and appreciation for Debbie’s work stems out of the personal growth (and personal responsibility) that I have gained as a result of her processes and teaching.
6 years ago, I read the Dark Side of the Light Chasers. It was the first time I really felt like I understood the magnitude of my humanity and my divinity. This book, and the subsequent training and support I found through our Integrative Coaching Community, helped me get through very dark times.
I became an Integrative Coach Professional because I find great value in the concept of coaching and I want to pay it forward… in my own way.
I get that it is not for everyone.
I get that some people will call it mumbo jumbo voodoo speak.
I get that it is sensible. To borrow a quote I read recently, “… just basic common sense and something not a lot of people practice. Personal Responsibility.”
Shadow work gives us a framework to see how complex our human selves really are.
It gets us out of our story (what we tell ourselves is true – based on our past and unhealed wounds) and has us take responsibility for where we are today, in the current moment.
From that place of responsibility (and making peace with our past), we work to make current (and future) choices from our highest and best.
Nowhere in this work does Debbie encourage us to blame our “shadow” and not be accountable for our thoughts, actions and behaviors.
It is not my job to change or convince everyone to see things my way or insist that they have a coach, including you.
I do have a question for you though….
Harold, have you read any of Debbie’s books?
I get that your wife has; but, have you taken time to see if there is any value (for yourself) in what she teaches?
It may or may not.
But, do you have to make your wife (or us) wrong if she/we wants to involve herself in the community (and teachings) – even if you do not?
My invitation to stay in touch remains open.
Well, CK I guess just took your ball and went home.
“This is my blog”…sad, and typical.
You don’t like what someone thinks so you lay down the law.
Fine I am going.
Karen, I am sure you like to think you are a Republican, but I doubt it not in this business.
Thank you for the banter it was truly enlightening.
Harold
Harold, I’m not going anywhere. I’m asking you to look at how you limit yourself with your thinking. You are welcome here; I am just asking you to look at yourself. Do you want to grow? Or do you want to remain the same? It’s okay either way. If you do want to grow it is beneficial to examine your thinking, examine the ways you might be limiting yourself, examine any repetitive behaviors. And in that case, this is the perfect place for you. I am not asking you to think like me, but to examine your own thinking and see which parts serve you and which are outdated and which are actually sabotaging you and maybe even your relationship with your wife. Really, I would prefer you stayed and look at these things. For example, how is taking your ball and going home typical for you? Where are you in fear over your wife…possibly emerging from her sheep persona and actually thinking for herself instead of blindly following you? I actually think you have some wonderful opportunities in front of you, if you are willing to look at the different walls that define who you are. I sincerely invite you to stay and play! As far as my comment about writing on my blog, I am referring to the manner in which you address me. I don’t need you to agree with me, certainly I have the ability to delete comments if I choose to do so; I am asking you to refer to me by my name and not ‘other lady.’ You never answered my question about what motivated you to address me in that manner… I am curious: does your judgment of me preclude a basic level of respect? I am particularly curious about this as your early comments indicate how you do not like disrespect. I asked you to examine how you are (lazy and) disrespectful and how that shows up in your life, and it just seems to me that we have a good example of how it shows up in your life. I am not in the business of making people wrong; my life’s purpose is to raise awareness of our own thoughts and behaviors and to empower people to keep the ones that serve them and let go of the ones that sabotage their deepest desires. Please consider my comments as being ruthlessly compassionate. I’ll be here if you choose to stay.
Here is my view on what we control vs. what we don’t seem to:
1) We control our immediate surroundings sans three things:
– 1– “timing” (there is universal timing)
– 2– “outside interference” (other people taking your energy, “dark” energy, etc. hidden forces you may not realize are there but you can protect yourself from.)
– 3–Focus- your conscious intentions which for most have very little influence. My research shows 97.4% of all our thoughts are “negative” or “limiting” and 96.4% are hidden in your subconscius as automatic habits. You control less than you realize. But, you do control some so the focus is there. But, you may not realize that full control as you could because of hidden “negativity”
Now, we all contribute our individual thoughts ot the collective. It is a reflection of us. This creates many of the natural disasters, traumatic events, and so forth we experience. The more thought energy going into the collective (conscious or hidden) the more a particular thought or event or circumstance is energized. Then, collectively, we experience this.
But, it all starts with us. “Be the change you want to see in the world” as Ghandi said. He said this because it’s true. If you work on yourself, changing your hidden subconscious negativity and your conscious waking thoughts, then you put different things into the collective. The more people who do this, the more the collective will change. And, the more we will then experience that collective change.
This is also a reason “bad” things happen to famous people. It gives us a chance to change more quickly as more individuals in the collective are exposed to the idea. I talk about this more in my book “Radical Thought Shift”
Pam Ragland
http://www.AskPamRagland.com
Dear Karen -
Your article was right to the point – but your comment is something that will live with me for a long time – until it disintegrates on my refrigerator. I just printed it out!
peace.
it does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noises, trouble
or hard work. it means to be in
the midst of those things and still
be calm in your heart.
After a massive roof leak and disruption of my house being ruined upstairs, thanks to Ike – I need to be reminded of that more than once daily.
I also have to be aware to be grateful I wasn’t in Texas for the full hit.
Thanks for the wake up call. Somehow these things come along at the perfect time!
Hi ladies,
Thank you for your contributions to this conversation.
Pam, you’ve offered the airplane view! It is globally important for us to take personal responsibility – what we do in our own lives does matter.
Corrine, so glad to hear that you were personally safe from the storm.
Peace is a choice, isn’t it?!
Some days I flow in peace and it is easy and natural.
Other days, like the one you’ve described, I have to remind myself that I am choosing to feel jolted and can bring myself back to peace once I am consciously aware of the disconnect.