Get Rid of Your Story Once And For All
April 4, 2008
When Michelle said to me, “You have to write your life story,” I thought, she must be crazy. I thought, who would be interested in my insignificant story. And on top of that …story…story…story… Story is what I discourage people from going into. Story makes me sick. At least when our story keeps us stuck in the past. Story! Hmmpfh. Well, here goes….
My parents married in December 1961 in Truckee, California. I was born in January 1963. The math says that I was not illegitimate. My parents married because they wanted to! I have a picture. They look happy, so they must have really been in love. Well, that’s my side of the story. I like it. I have photos with writing on the back. My father called her ‘Princess’ and I think she like it, because she signed her name Princess. My father joined the Navy and I was born in the naval hospital in San Diego, California. When I was three months old, my mother and I moved back to San Jose, California. We lived next door to my maternal grandparents. They owned both homes. My brother was born in 1965. I was 2, so I had mixed feelings. (Operative word: had)
My grandparents owned their own business, Proctor’s Antiques and Upholstery. They had a shop for a long time until they moved into their garage in the 70’s. My grandparents would get up every morning to go to work. They left the house to walk 20 feet to the garage to work. Everyday. My grandfather tore down the furniture and my grandmother sewed. She sewed for him for thirty years and then one day she stopped. Cold! He took up the sewing and she played cards. Solitaire. I guess that’s how it was for them underneath because years later I found out why she stopped sewing. He ‘forgot’ to pay into her retirement account all those years. It took her 30 years to find out, but when she did she was done. My grandma died about 17 years ago, so she never really needed the retirement anyway. She had alzheimers and so I don’t think she remembered that he did–I mean didn’t. Maybe my grandfather could have gotten another few years out of her before her memory went. My grandfather managed to gamble away what he had. He lives in a trailer now. He is old in 2008, but he farts dust.
How’s it going so far? I’m starting to see some patterns…and I just got started.
When I was 5 my parents bought their first home. It was huge! After we moved in, I started kindergarten and back then you could walk to school all by yourself, even on the first day. I wore my favorite dress. It had pink and purple flowers all over it and I felt like a princess. I wonder if my mother followed me or if she went back inside to drink a coke and smoke a cigarette.
My mother had eyes on the back of her head. I checked and couldn’t find them, but they were there. She knew when I was doing something I was told not to do, like ride my bike across the street. I guess that is why it surprised me a bit when she didn’t notice some other things that were going on with me. Maybe she didn’t want to know.
My mother is stubborn. So am I. My mother can handle 20 things coming at her at once and still have the kitchen spotless and the kids hair combed. I can handle 20 things at once, but choose to do some other things with my time. The kids can comb their own hair and they are better at it than I am. Not better than my mother, but definitely better than me. If you do comb your kids hair for them, say yes when they ask if they can shave their head. It’s easier, even when I’m not the one combing it.
When I was in the 4th grade, we moved to a really huge house. The first house was only huge because I was so little. Now I had my own bedroom and my own playroom. There was just one little problem. We had cockroaches for the first three years after we moved in. They came with the home and were really hard to get rid of and some could fly. When you turn the light on at night, they scurry to the edges of the room. We were taught how to empty our shoes in the morning. I could have put that on my list of things you don’t want to know about me.
We were pretty happy there for about a year and then things changed. One day my brother and I came home to an empty house. I called my father and asked him if he knew where mom was. He didn’t. My mother moved out and didn’t tell anyone.
My father decided to enroll us in our old school, drop us off in the morning. I would watch my brother after school, and my father would pick us up after work. I was about 10. The house was empty. I take that back. There were two child sized chaise lounges and a television. I am sure there was toilet paper, but I don’t remember ever using it. I think my father thought that was best. I didn’t think that was best.
With my brother 2 1/2 years younger than me, I was the responsible one. My brother liked to climb. One day after school he fell out of a tree and cut his head open. As the kid in charge, I took him to the neighbors. We had this routine for a year, and then my mother came back. We didn’t have to stay in that empty house any more. Then she left. Then she came back. Then she left. At some point she just didn’t come back anymore. I don’t blame her, I was a tough kid. Actually what I mean is I blamed her for a long time and made it mean that I wasn’t worth fighting for and that I was unloved.
What issues do you think I’ve had? What is my story? Is it easy to see why I might have lived in fear of abandonment? Can you imagine some of the ways I’ve shown up in my life as a result? Is it easy to see how I could feel all alone in any given situation? Can you relate?
Many of us grow up to give away our dreams, to sell ourselves out, and to live a life far below our potential. From what I have seen and experienced, it is the story we buy into (I did that) that our ego grabs onto and we veer further and further from our true essence and our Soul’s Purpose gets covered up until we don’t even know what it is anymore.
The purpose for sharing my life story will be for healing and connection and to show you that giving up your “story” is elemental in living your life’s purpose. As I take you on this journey, my intention is to illuminate the process of giving up our story and living a life of joy and passion. It will not be to convince you that it is easy or that no-one gets hurt in the process, but when we give up our story, stop hurting ourselves, and start listening to our heart…in the long run everyone is better off.
I had to give up the ’story’ that I am unworthy of love and that if you know who I really am you will go away. What ’story’ did you (or do you still) have to give up to live your soul’s purpose?
Written by CK Reyes - CK is a Life Coach, Facilitator and Cheerleader of your Wildest Dreams! Contact CK from the tab above or leave your comment below.
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Well told.
Tara’s last blog post..Driving
My story has a couple of themes.
1. My mother’s first child was still-born and I was her second child. When under two I had a couple of fits. This meant I grew up with a sense of hovering anxiety. Result: a sense that the world was dangerous, though not scary in any particular way.
2. Wanting to do stuff and not being shown how. Then being told I make more mess than I clean upl. Result: I decide that I am unacceptable because incompetent.
It would take lots more details to fill out this story. (Part of concluding the story is going fully into it I think.)
Now. Can the world be scary and dangerous? Yes. But usually not. And usually you can go to the better places. I am good at some things and not others. The things I am good, I am better than some and worse than others. And I have people in my life who don’t much care that I’m not good at some things - they care for me. I am very lucky.
Thanks for your post.
One quibble: I’d prefer to speak of embracing our story - we can then draw on it as we need.
I think our stories are important to who we are, even though I agree with Eckhart Tolle about how we use our stories to keep from really being who we are. I read a post on Steve Pavlina’s blog today about ego which resonated with me.
Your story resonates as well. Not because I experienced the same things you did but because we all have pasts and our pasts are interesting. The best novels and movies are about people’s stories.
Based on my years of experience in therapy working through my own story (because no matter what anyone says, unless you’re supernatural, I don’t think you can just let go of it in one fell swoop), we have to tell our stories until the stuff that really hurts becomes neutral.
I really like your question about what we had to give up in our own story to live our soul’s purpose. For me it would be giving up having been abused. It took a long time, but I don’t wear it on my chest like some kind of war metal any longer.
And what a relief! Thank you for sharing your story, CK.
Cheryl’s last blog post..What Does The Word ?Retire? Mean to You?
It seems that our stories are kinda like onions. Tons of layers and as soon as you take off the first layer, there is the emotion…The hurt, but like Tolle refers to, it is that we think on some level that we are our stories. We are more than our stories. I get that nothing can hurt us unless our ego is involved, because in that space we feel separate. But, when we can embrace all of it and see “I am that!” there is nothing to push back against. Not too long ago I was receiving a Thai massage from a friend and it turned into a bit of deep energy work. I lay on the floor sobbing, “I am nothing, I am nothing.” And then I just burst out laughing as I realized it was only my ego that would tell me that. And from that place it is my story surfacing once again to show me how (fill in the blank) I am….
Cheryl, you said that you would have to give up having been abused. The abuse happened, so I get you aren’t wearing it on your chest like a medal any more, but would you be open to looking at what’s under the abuse? What did you make it mean about you that you were abused. Were you unlovable? Or unworthy? Find that piece and then see if there are any remnants of your story working in your life. Just for fun. (Just kidding–it’s not fun.)
Evan, I hear you about preferring to ‘embrace’ our story…and I guess on some level I agree with you… But what I am thinking here is that all too often we indulge in our story and we use our stories as excuses to have a rotten life. This is where we need to give up our story… In other words give up what we know (as in any limitation our story has for us) for something more joyful in our lives…. At that point you are drawing on your experiences instead of your story. I would call that wisdom… What do you think?
It took a great deal of courage to share your story with strangers, who might not empathize with your situation, but by now, perhaps you don’t mind about that.
Getting to that place is sometimes a grind, but it is always life’s struggles that facilitate growth, and so, although it may be hard to understand, you needed them.
Those struggles were your friends, and just like old friends, that we don’t see very often, when they show up do you throw your arms about them and cover them in love, or do you wish they would go away and not bother you?
When we choose to become therapists it is because we identify with all the hurts that others have been forced to suffer, and we truly believe that we are the only person in the world who can help them. It can sometimes hurt badly when we are inevitably rejected.
For rejected we will be, unless we give up the desire to stop others falling into the pits that we ourselves have frequently fallen into. This was very much the reason that I became a therapist, and it took me many years to learn to let go of being a helper.
Looking at your story as an objective outsider, you were born to be the helper in your family. You helped your mother to stay away from the family, you helped your father to survive being without your mother, and you helped your brother to survive and grow up. All the while persecuting your grandfather for being unloving and miserly to your grandmother.
Unless you choose to get off the drama triangle (see Karpman’s drama triangle), you will always believe that you have to provide money for needy others, and believe that you know best how a person can rise above their problems.
Your empathy with others will always find you ready to help, and kindness itself when the going gets tough, wonderful character traits, but there will always be people willing to dump their problems onto your shoulders, for you are their salvation.
This is great until they turn on you, and they invariably will, until you remove yourself from the drama triangle.
Yes, I see clearly how your life story has molded your life, but as you know, you are the potter, and the clay is still soft.
Blessings
Carol Webb…
CK, thanks for your response to my comments. I spent many years looking under the abuse which is why it no longer triggers me. It’s no longer a story I tell and hang onto. But it took all that time to peel back the layers and do the work.
The abuse was similar to what all too many of us experience at the hands of our parents (mostly verbal, emotional which left me feeling unloved and unworthy for sure). I’ve forgiven them, and today my mother and I are best friends. I’m really glad she’s still here!
Cheryl’s last blog post..What Does The Word ?Retire? Mean to You?
Excellent job, CK. I’m gonna weigh in with you on “let go or embrace our stories.” I say let go. Drop it. It is just a story, and since stories are, by definition, not true, they don’t tell us anything about who we are. They are just stories. And they only hurt until we quit telling ourselves they are true. IMHO.
Tom Stine’s last blog post..Spirituality and Money
Carol,
I think what you bring to light here is that it is important to have clear boundaries. And with clear boundaries and intention we can walk an illuminated path. Looking back on our lives isn’t it interesting how we can see patterns, sometimes those that have run our lives? It feels good to be able to see some of my patterns and to make conscious choices toward what I want for my life.
I love your comment about rejection, because it brings up that same pattern. For example, feeling rejected in our youth is one thing, but often we turn that into self-rejection and we give up our path and what we want to someone else and what they want for us. Where do we live for someone else’s expectations of us? This is when we reject ourselves in a sense.
Ok, I am on Michelle’s computer and her picture is coming up, but it is really ck…Michelle went up to bed and my daughter and I are staying in the guest room. Tell me how to change the picture… She is the only blogger in this family and….
So, Tom… I think our stories are our number one enemy. They keep us small and stuck in the past. And with all that I’ve said on this ’story’ thing, I believe there is a time and place for the telling of story…There can be immense healing in speaking the words, but the story can end up as an addiction… Do you agree or disagree? What do you think? CK
Hi CK,
Thank you for sharing your stories, maybe I should give up mine too.
Raymond Chua’s last blog post..The Freaking Monkey Puppet
Hey CK,
It is perfectly fine to tell stories. No problem there. Others can benefit greatly from them. You can create all kinds of goodness. I sometimes tell my coaching clients a little bit of my story when it works to benefit them.
Also, there are times that telling a story can be healing to oneself especially in situations where you speak it aloud for the first time. Sometimes doing so can help one to realize that “it is just a story after all.”
But it seems to me that the bottom line is we have to let go of believing them ourselves. It is when the story arises in our thoughts, and then we latch on to it and say, “See, that’s true, that’s who I am,” then we suffer. Am I correct that you and agree?
And all of that is why I love the inquiry question: “Who would I be without this story?” I find questions like that to be the best way to still the mind immediately. No story, no problem.
Tom Stine’s last blog post..So What is Spirituality? Really.
Hi CK,
It was great having you and Michele present the “Moses Code” video at Unity tonight. Wow, so many heart felt things came during the film and later discussion. Time being limited for discussion, I listened to what was said with great interest. (edited) Understanding how our perceptions of the world can be very skewed at times has made me become more aware as I am in each situation not to judge.
(edited) Part of the discussion tonight raised the question of how can we all be “one” when there are murderers and rapists, etc.
How could we be one with those we judge so harshly? We all have the capability of being those things whether we chose to acknowledge it or not. I still remember very vividly the point in time that I came to that realization. I never would have believed I had it in me to take anyone’s life. Most of us don’t.
I am a Viet Nam era vet. No I did not go to Viet Nam and I have never killed anyone. It was after my service in the military that I had the shock of my life, that within me was the capability to take another human life. It scared me more than I can even begin to describe here.
(edited) In that moment all my military training, instincts and adrenaline kicked in to sharp focus. My mind was accessing the situation faster than an IBM computer could calculate a simple math equation. I stood totally still and did not move a muscle. I knew in that moment that I had so much adrenaline going, that if I so much as tried to remove her from me in the only way I was trained, she could end up in the hospital very seriously injured if not dead. (edited) I, like so many people, had never believed I could be capable of ever killing anyone. Even in the military, I never really got close to feeling what I felt in that moment. So I guess the lesson now for me after all those years is that in that moment I had a choice. I chose not to take those actions which I knew without a doubt could result possibly in death. Now the additional lesson. There are those who have made that choice. They in all honesty may not have had the ability or time to stop and think or have been in the same place I was……maybe they didn’t know they had a choice. Hmm. I once was an advocate of the death penalty. I can no longer in good conscience support it. Every life is precious. God/goddess exists within everyone…for we all are one.
David Chethleheh Palladin in his later years began working with death row inmates as a chaplain to them. Working one on one with them he very soon came to the realization that it is wrong to kill anyone, even a killer. David’s life story is one that fascinates me to this day. And that can be a story for another blog sometime. He’s the one who really brought home the lesson of “perception” to me. A story well worth the time to hear or read. You couldn’t make it up any better than the real thing.
The final lesson. Just as I had a choice not to move, I also have the choice to move. My choice today is not about physical life or death, although it could be.
I am at a crossroads and it is time for me to make a choice. That choice could mean the difference between life and death for one, ten or a thousand kids living or dying. You see, I have a friend working in Mozambique with AIDS orphans. I support her in everyway that I can. But I have to make a choice about my career.
Because I know there is so much more that I can be doing in a much more effective ways to help others. I want to touch peoples lives, their spirit. What I do now is such a physical non essential. I have the ability to touch lives and I do. It’s time to refine the method.
Blessing to you in your work. Steve
PS. Went back and reread Carol’s blog. So am I getting carried away with this helping other people thing too? Am I using it as an excuse to get out of a career that I once loved and now feel doesn’t bring me the spiritual gratification I seek?
Things that make you go ….hmmm?
This comment was edited by CK for brevity.
Thanks Steve. That is very powerful.
If you need an excuse to get out of a career that you now find unfulfilling, I couldn’t think of a better one.
Evan’s last blog post..Big Benefits of a Little Exercise.
Reflecting on our sense of the past helps us to better understand who we are. It takes courage to be honest with ourselves. This is part of the process, peeling the layers of fear and negative emotion away until we reach the underlying soul. This is a life-transforming journey. Savor every step, every lesson and learn unconditional love and self-acceptance.
Tom,
Yes, I totally agree with you. there are layers. It seems that when be begin our path we have a great need to tell our stories. And somewhere along the path we come to the point where we realize we are not our stories and to indulge in them actually keeps us stuck in the past. So…there is a place for ’story’ but I am no longer willing to be limited by my story. And believe me, I told my story over and over again for many years until it became my ‘truth.” Now I can see how I was limited by it and how I showed up in my life as my story. It served me well and now it just informs me.
Steve,
Wow! Thanks so much for sharing. In all of what you say, I am drawn to where you are right now. Today! Which is the crossroads. In the movie, Beckwith talks about qualifying the called. All you need to do is say YES… Well, maybe not all…But are you ready? Read my next post on this topic and give me a call… I would love to offer you a session to ‘refine’ the method.
Yes “The Story” (past) should get old.. Lifetimes have been limited to the past with no hope for a breakthrough. I certainly have had my stories. I have searched for the answers “outside” ==in the external reality. “When I have enough money,” “When I have a partner who knows how to love and accept me,” etc, etc.. That path was one of futility to be sure. Now I am beginning to trial the path of “co-creation” — manifesting in wonderous ways–self empowerment in knowing life doesn’t have to be victimizing. I have yearned for a life experience that is wonderous–beyond limitation–that’s where I’m at now…”from victim to victor” is my battle cry!!! I pray not only from myself, but for all who are on their path… Thank you CK For doing your part.
Am I ready to say “yes”? YES! My story, hmm, is there a time to stop telling my story…to myself? Yes. That time is now. Why have I not moved on? I was not ready. Why? Cause I had to be in the place I am now. When one is ready the teacher appears. Spirit knew that.
I’ve been telling myself the story of why I couldn’t move on for a long time now. Every statement would sound perfectly legitimate to anyone listening. Here goes…1) I am extremely good at what I do. 2)There is a shortage of people in the area who do what I do. 3) It takes a very special person to have the right brain, hand eye coordination to do what I do well and very few people have it. 4) People love me and would miss me if I could not provide them with the service I perform 5) I employ people who might not be able to get another job so easily if I were to stop doing business 6) Maybe next month things will be better 7) I will change how I operate my business and that will make me feel better.
I will get a better location and have more business 9) I don’t know enough about what I want to do to make a living at it. 10) Where would I find a market? 11) What if I can’t make a living and can’t pay my bills? 12)I have responsibilities, a son to finish raising 13) Blah blah blah. Well you’re starting to get the picture.
The truth is my soul is not being fed in the way it once was. I have lost my passion, that fire in my heart. I see what I do as very tied only to the physical gratification of people. Yes, there is a sentimental attachment that is hard to quantify, but that now seems even so trivial compared to what I believe lies within me to accomplish within the lives of not only myself, but others. It is time to answer my divine calling. Let God sort out the rest.
Thanks CK for the reminder of what Michael Beckwith said about God not looking for qualified people, but qualifying them when they said, “Yes, use me God.”
My heart has been on a new work, a new aspect of my life that has been years in the making. The heroes journey has already begun.
Blessings to all.
Steve, how does it feel to say yes? I sense the passion in your ‘yes’ As I was reading your comment, the question I had was….What is it you do want? And then you answered. “now seems even so trivial compared to what I believe lies within me to accomplish within the lives of not only myself, but others. It is time to answer my divine calling. Let God sort out the rest.” This can be a vulnerable time for you, Steve. You have spoken something out loud–to a lot of people…. As the next few days unfold give yourself some nurturing time. Nurture this knowing inside of you so that no one (not even yourself) can talk you out of your own truth. We need you to answer your divine calling!
Thanks Evan! Great comments Liara. Self acceptance is one thing I am a lot better at. As for unconditional love, I have experienced it once in the physical realm and once in a dream I had that was life changing. I am getting better at loving myself unconditionally….I’m getting there. It is a fun journey. And I am ever amazed at what pops up in life…..makes a grown man smile ear to ear and the heart glow.
CK Look forward to the journey. You flipped the switch. I can see. You’ll love this. I’ve had this idea in my head of where I thought I would like to see my life go.
It has always been a shadowy kind of image. Earlier tonight as I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind to prepare for study, I was laughing. It was like I had a high definition TV in front of my face. I wasn’t allowed to see the story. but the message was clear enough. I said yes and now the things I need to do and know will come into extremely sharp focus as each part of the story unfolds.
CK How did it feel to say yes? Just like the time I was house hunting ten years ago. I had spent two months looking for a house to buy. Nothing I saw looked or felt right. Then one day I see this house on the front page of a local paper. Something in my brain clicked. I have to go check this out. Here’s the funny part.
I had not a dime in my pocket that day to put down on a house. I had just paid a large tax bill. My prospects of having any money was slim, because I was heading into a slow time of the year. That day I came up with enough money to write a check as a good faith deposit. At the end of 30 days I had enough money to pay the entire deposit which was the equivalent of my gross income for a good month.
During that month I never did anything out of the ordinary to stimulate sales or whatever. I do remember the giddy glee with which my heart kept saying, “That’s my house. It’s perfect for me.” I never doubted for one minute that everything would work out. I had not a clue how it would, but I had total belief it would.
That is how I felt today when I said yes. I don’t have a clue how all this is going to work out, but I am assured of one thing. It is going to work out in ways that will amaze me and will be far better than anything I could have ever dreamed up myself.
Sorry I couldn’t give you the simple answer, “It really felt good”. That really didn’t say it all.
More on “The Story”.. . When it comes to relationships, especially important women (mother, wife) in my life I made some connections. As a child I was the crutch–the sounding board for my mothers discontent. My mom used to always tell me that I was her favorite (she had four children), mainly because I was most accessible and willing to help shoulder her painful existance. I just wanted my mom to be happy. It hurt me to see her living a life filled with so much fear, pain and worry. Basically I was a Therapist at a very young age. But this role I took on came with a great price! I had become a ” pleaser,” “enabler,” and “Co-dependent” as I would later come to define through my college studies in Psychology. As I grew into a young man I yearned for my freedom. I no longer perceived my role with my mother as a positive thing, in fact it had become quite tiresome! I felt that by leaving the home I would atlast be free of my “duties.”
Well, that wasn’t necessarily so.. I had found that in every subsequent relationship I had with a woman that the same dynamics, to some degree, would arise! My ability to be sensitive to women I had relationships with, culminating with my present wife, was quite difficult. Whenever they would want to confide in me by expressing a need, desire, or problem I found myself wanting to withdraw.. I had listened to a woman’s (mothers) problems most of my life, and I wasn’t about to do it again! Overly sensitive? I’d say so. I just wanted to know what it’s like to be in a relationship minus all the “drama”. I don’t want to be accountable as far as making their life better by being or doing something they may feel they require! I guess you could say I’m overly conscious, sometimes to my detriment, of taking on that pleaser role again.. A caveate to this “story” is that I went to college thinking I’d be a Psychologist and help “fix” people. Once I had gotten to the point in my studies where I would have to apply what I had learned on real patients I found that quite honestly I didn’t want to listen to peoples painful stories (as you are doing now) for a living! Haven’t I already dedicated enough of my life to this since childhood!? So, I left school and wound up working 15yrs. in the Federal Prison System (yeah that’s what I call walking away fom painful situations!). To make a long story short.. After 15yrs. in the prison system I couldn’t take it anymore, so I resigned. Guess the reason? Because I couldn’t take the fact that so many staff felt comfortable coming to me to unload their crap! I got to see and hear the worst of what humanity had to offer and it drained me to the point that I couldn’t go on any longer! I just yearned to be around anyone or anything that was pleasant and peaceful. I just couldn’t/wouldn’t accept that this was the only reality.. I needed to make some kind of change..
I walked away from the Prison system 3yrs. ago.. there is no question that this was necessary in order for me to begin to evolve in ways that are far more fruitful. Much has happened along the way that continues to bring me clarity. I still attract people that are in need of assistance, and I believe that in some way, even though I haven’t quite gotten it yet, that all these life experiences have in fact prepared me to help others, but I’ve been to busy rebelling to see it. This is one of my stories…
Hello again! One other thing to add regarding “my story”. I believe there is a need for each person to tell their story, especially when done so to bring clarity and healing so one can move on… It’s when the story is shared only to continue to re-live the painful experience(s) over and over again throughout ones entire life that it becomes detrimental. Learn the lesson and move on is my motto! Life’s journey, I feel, is not about how we start…but about how we finish. Thanks again C.K.
Gary,
Yes… There is healing in the telling of the story. I ‘told’ my story many times through the healing process. And now I am sharing ‘my story’ to illuminate the process of how we transform our lives from limitation to possibility. And to show that there is limitation in our story. The story is what the ego can grab onto and shame us into staying small.
Gary, One thing you said in your comment was that I listen to people’s stories for a living… I want to clarify… I don’t listen to story… Ever! That is the first boundary I set with my clients. I get permission right up front to say, “Okay, What’s the point here?” See when I say there is healing in telling the story, I believe it. But, that is for the therapist, not the coach. So, my role is clear when I work with people. As a coach I highlight patterns, so if I were to ask you, “What’s the point?” It would be the thread that runs through your story… For example: Do you want a relationship with a woman that you don’t have to fix? What does it mean about someone who refuses to ‘fix’ another person? Or refuses to take on another persons problems? What do you need? Where are your needs not being met? Where do you feel broken? Something in there….
Hello again C.K. ! Sorry about the comment about “listening to stories for a living”. What I meant was it apparently is “a part” of the process in what you do–not the focus. A friend of mine once said in regard to “telling the story”… ” Go ahead and tell it, but I don’t want to hear it again!” This comment may seem insensitive, especially to those who have found comfort in re-telling the story over and over again so as to gain sympathy (a form of reward) from the listener, but in fact this is a necessary “boundary”, because it indicates where one is in this process (ready to move on, or content in being stuck). I knew when I was considering being a Therapist/Psychologist that it is easy to have clients relive their life story.. In fact, from a financial standpoint, there is alot of money to be made, and is made, from those who just want a safe place to tell their story over and over again. No right or wrong–it’s all choice, but certainly to be understood. .
It sounds like you are focusing on those who are wanting to learn the lesson from their life story and move on, which I can totally identify with. I appreciate your feedback and am considering your commentary deeply. Thank you C.K.
Giving up your story and cleaning out those old tapes - that’s what I’m working on, too, especially when it comes to reprogramming limiting beliefs that were installed during childhood.
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JoLynn,
What is one tool you use to reprogram the limiting beliefs?
Hello to all! Yes, I am always looking for “tools” to use to reprogram limiting beliefs… I get discouraged when I hear about all these indepth/lengthy healing methods. I have always believed it is important to keep things very simplistic, otherwise time and money with no results just leads to continued frustration! I have witnessed “self-help junkies” who have spent most of their life (and money) on “the pursuit of happiness” trail! If I hear one more comment about “inner child work” I’m going to puke!!! Enough already! Simple tools with grand results would be a nice change……. I know CK.. You are probably wondering what tools I use??? Mostly “just saying no!” when I feel negative emotions wanting to take over.. Learning to flip the switch for lack of a better term. Lets face it, the ego program that humanity has fostered has remained in place for thousands of years! We’ve been in primarily a state of fear (”fight or flight”)–preoccupying ouselves with ways to survive rather than thrive! This preoccupation has come with a great price, and it’s finally beginning to lose it’s grip because we are awakening to the fact that there has to be more than this… We (our souls) yearn for peace, love, and joy, individually and globally! Internal and external upheaval is taking place so as move humanity into a whole new direction. We may not like it, but on a grander scale it is necessary! The “old program” wants to maintain it’s grip, but alas it no longer has complete domain! The answers are being provided… CK, myself, many of you, and countless others are sharing in this journey! Those who choose will evolve in ways that are beyond our wildest dreams! The “dormant seeds” are germinating and taking root! As it grows it forces all that no longer serves it out of the way! Hang on! There is light at the end of the tunnel (if you doubt this “flip that switch”, because it is the old program that wants you to believe otherwise..). May peace, love, and joy beyond your wildest dreams become more and more commonplace….
“I WAS THAT, I AM NOT THAT ANY LONGER”
Ck, thanks for sharing this powerful article. I do believe that our story does affect our character. Many of us live stuck in the patterns of childhood. It has been a long and powerful journey out of my own childhood of abuse. My life has been about peeling away the layers of emotions to find what is underneath. When you strip away the layers of pain and fear, what you find beneath them is love and understanding and often compassion for yourself and the abusers. In learning to understand myself better, I grew to understand my parents better. For myself, I haven’t found life to be as easy as flipping a switch. Telling myself that I am joyful and loving and free didn’t give me any of that until I was able to work through the pain. Part of working through that pain and ultimately letting go of it meant that I told those stories a lot for a long time. Telling those stories can be a really important part of growth when as a child you were silenced in order for the abuse to continue. Telling the stories was a big part of my journey toward learning to trust myself and others. Now, like you, I only tell those stories because others might benefit from the lessons that I learned from those stories.
Very often we recreate in our adult lives, the patterns that we didn’t heal and need the most to work on ourselves. For about 2 years of my life, my husband and I were houseparents in a group foster home system working with troubled kids. We got into this field because of my need to help other kids who came from abusive homes. What I didn’t know at the time was that I couldn’t truly help anyone else until I helped myself. I quit this job when I realized that I had to work on myself first. I was empty at that point in my life. How could I give to others before I learned to give to myself? It wasn’t possible. I thank those kids for teaching me that. What I learned was that the patterns we don’t heal, we continue to recreate. Once they are healed, they are no longer a problem. Thanks everybody for the really great comments to this article.
I know what you mean about telling the stories…a long time. I did that. The other part of ‘telling’ the stories for a long time is how we react to people and situations when we believe we are our stories. That can be destructive. I think that’s what you mean by re-creating patterns and needing to work on ourselves first…Is that right? What I have learned is that when we take responsibility for the way our lives look and stop blaming others or making excuses for why our lives aren’t the way we want them–we can really make some changes that bring us to internal peace….
[...] I told my blog and teaching partner CK, that I thought everything we’ve been teaching is Bull. I mean, how can we know that we even have [...]
[...] is the story we buy into I did that that our ego grabs onto and we veer further and further from ourhttp://divinepurposeunleashed.com/get-rid-of-your-story-once-and-for-all/Quiz - I&39ll Sell My Dreams To You <3 Brandon Novak <3 Part 4 …Mar 2, 2007 … Title: I&39ll [...]
Have you read The Zahir by Coehlo? It has a similar theme of sharing your story until you release it and it is no longer yours!
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